(Preface: Earlier this week I was complaining about how slow my computer was and told my friend I might buy a computer here in Thailand. The next day my computer wouldn’t turn on. Be careful what you put into the Universe. Seriously. I am now stuck blogging on a tiny phone keyboard. Tedious is an understatement.)
I had a friend write me the other day, and along with other things he told me he had disconnected from most social media and apologized for not reading my blog. He had just recently read an article on how “millenials see themselves as the protagonists of a story of their choosing” and it had changed the way he used social media. Though I respect the opinion he decided to take on social media after reading this article, I can’t say I agree. It is true that many of us see ourselves as the protagonists of a story of our choosing, but isn’t that the point of life? Aren’t we all here to create a life and story of our choosing? To be the captain’s of our own ships, and to connect with those around us? In no way do I think that blogging and social media should replace face to face interactions, but it is a fact that the way we communicate is and always will be changing and morphing and I am choosing not to fight it anymore.
And this is why I blog. This is why I write.
My entire life I have felt a very strong desire and pull to connect with people and the Universe around me, as I have felt very lonely for a large part of my existence. I feel life on a very deep level, as I think many of us do, but too often we are discouraged from talking about it, or don’t feel like we can. We are instead encouraged to “get over it” or “stop wallowing” or “just be happy” or “be grateful” or “just power through”.
Well guess what? I’m not ok with just powering through.
I want to feel and experience life as fully and deeply as I can, simultaneously attracting and finding people who think and want the same. Writing, for me, serves both these purposes. It helps me remember, pay attention to, and feel life below the surface and also helps me find people who have similar thought processes as me. Both of these things feed my soul more than almost anything else in the world.
This is why I share my thoughts. Not because I think they’re better than yours but because I feel less alone and I hope maybe they’ll make even one other person feel less alone. This last week I have felt the power of the Universe both negatively and positively. My mood has oscilated up and down. I’ve been held by the jaws of anxiety and worry and then released by the wonders of the world as I gazed into lightning filled skies, went for morning runs along a river in Thailand, rode the train through bright green rice fields and cried through thought provoking romantic movies. I’ve sung at the top of my lungs, sat in silent meditation, gotten a massage that went so deep I almost cried but felt the fluidity of my muscles soon after, drank too much caffeine, biked many sweaty miles just to buy some fancy paper to write letters, and eaten healthy for the majority of the time only to indulge for a whole day and a half while traveling and then paying dearly for it the next day. I’ve laughed and cried and felt completely numb all in the same day. I’ve wanted to pull my hair out while teaching my students and simultaneously felt an overwhelming rush of gratitude and love for their spirits and the lessons they’ve already taught me.
There is so much to feel in this Universe if you start paying attention and listening to what it is telling you and that is why I write. We cannot feel happy all the time. Or fulfilled. Or sad. Or in love. Or anxiety. Or hungry. Or full. Or connected. Nothing can be constant and nothing stays the same all the time. Life oscillates constantly and this should be embraced whole heartedly. The sooner you can accept this fact and find people to share those wonders of life you find fascinating, the sooner you will find peace in your heart.
At least that’s what I’ve found.
This is why I write. I have not figured out the secrets of the Universe and I don’t have all the answers. I have discovered, though, that if something makes you feel good in a positive way then don’t fight it. Just keep doing it and things will start to unfold. If you’ve ever thought that you’d like to start writing but you’re scared no one will read it, or there’s too many people out there writing already or you’re scared people will hate it, do it anyway. Do it for yourself. You are the only one who has to live with you, so if it makes you feel good, just do it.
Embrace each and every emotion without judgment and watch your story unfold.
Drop me a line and tell me how it goes.