It’s not always easy to trust ourselves. It’s easy to second-guess our decisions, wonder why we’re not happy, wonder if we’ll know the right decisions to make for our lives and know what’s best for us.
For my whole life, I have always been inclined to ask for the answer. I just wanted to KNOW. I wanted to know what I should do in life, what job I should pursue, what person to be with – all of it. I wanted to know all of the answers, and now.
Recently, though, I realized just how demanding asking for the answers is on the Universe, as well as myself – it puts a lot of pressure on ME to try to know it all. It also creates an energy of looking for the answers outside of myself rather than inside of myself.
So in a quiet moment on a small day hike in Kyoto a thought sort of dropped into my head (which, by the way, is my favorite kind of thought – the kind that just appears out of nowhere like a little sprinkle of fairy dust, seemingly appearing out of nothing). And the thought was this:
“I will pray to recognize the answer when it appears, instead of asking for the answer.”
Again, the keyword is RECOGNIZE. I stopped searching and looking and simply prayed to RECOGNIZE. Because sometimes, I don’t even know what to ask for or look for.
The change was subtle, but the impact it has had on my life has been enormous.
While living in Thailand I learned to let go of a lot – but after I returned home I was still struggling with trust and wanting all the answers. I wanted to know and I wanted to know now – and I was impatient. I didn’t trust and I still didn’t trust the people around me.
So where I’ve come to now is that it’s OK to trust that I will recognize the answer – I don’t need to know all the answers, but I can trust that I will know what to do and I will recognize new answers, even ones that I’m not “looking for”, when they come.
Sometimes it’s too much even to be looking for the answer – the constant search can be exhausting and too much pressure on ourselves to know what to do.
Because we don’t always know what to do. I don’t always know what to do. Often, and usually, I don’t.
But I am learning to trust my emotions and my feelings more and more – and I’m trusting that when answers or little nudges from the Universe come to me, I’ll know and recognize them, and move forward, calm and steady and a smile in my heart.